MY JOURNEY WITH TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS PART 1
Even before starting our radio show “Let’s Change St. Louis,” it has been our intention from the onset to share our heart, experiences, and personal journey in walking out our salvation (Romans 6:4). On recent shows, I have been discussing various “trials and tribulations” that I have personally faced over the years. It is my intention, with this blog, to share and encourage you with my personal story of finding hope in the midst of despair.
One of the greatest challenges I have faced since being born again is dealing with disappointment. Even as a child, anytime I was “promised” something or “got my hopes up” as it were. And things didn’t happened as promised, I would be heartbroken. My mother used to tell me that “I wore my heart on my sleeve.” That was certainly true in most cases. I would very easily be hurt by people and situations that didn’t fit my expectations.
As a young kid, I remember hearing the old adage about “Murphy’s Law” - which is typically stated: anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Sadly, when I first heard this I took it as absolute truth. This adage became the paradigm of my thinking and how I saw the world around me. I would temper any hopeful exceptions with an equal amount of skepticism and doubt.
In the summer of 2005, I made Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. I had never experienced God in such a real and personal way as I have since that day. The Lord was teaching and showing me things at a rapid pace. I learned more in those first two years, than in all of the 31 years of my life prior. Despite all that I had learned, the Lord still had much to show me. And with all His wisdom, the Lord knew these lessons could not be taught by academic standards, but by experience.
God was continuing to prepare me for a future and inheritance that he longed to give me. But first, there were hidden strongholds, wrong thinking, and heart issues that had to be exposed and dealt with. Despite all that I had learned and experienced growing with God, my default thinking dealing with disappointments and heartbreak was “Murphy’s Law.”
God used the trials and tribulations of 2009 - 2010 to bring an end to my stinkin’ thinkin’. In those twelve months: I lost my full-time job with benefits, my girlfriend ended things, my only sibling (brother) was killed, had to put my dog to sleep, and finally filed for bankruptcy. I was so angry and bitter. But the worse thing was, I was heartbroken. I really thought God had forgotten about me. I would think things like, “maybe God was just done blessing me, and this was as good as my life was going to get.” There were many nights I would lie down and pray, “Lord, I can’t do this anymore. If this is all there is for me, please just come and take me home.” I was so afraid to hope again, I doubted every good thing.
What happened next shocked me to the core…